Barlaston Hockey Club

8th March 2008

 

1st XI
West Midlands Div 2
Away vs Kingswinford
Lost 5 - 3 (Gareth Morris, Brett Youngman, Mark Rushton)

 

Barlaston came away with no points but contributed to an excellent game of hockey and could be pleased with their performance against one of the form sides in the division.

 

Gareth Morris opened the scoring after ten minutes when he picked up a loose ball on the edge of the 'D' and hit a stunning shot into the top corner. The home side hit back within 5 minutes via a short corner strike.

 

Seb Lewis then missed the first of many glaring chances when he saw his shot defelected up and into the forehead of an unlucky defender who required hospital treatment for an ugly gash. His colleagues didn't seem to miss him too much as they launched into a flurry of quick attacks which produced 3 goals and turned the game in their favour at 4 - 1. Barlaston were left shell shocked by the quick and accurate stick control of their hosts and the game could have turned into a rout. However, they reacted well to the situation and produced the best goal of the match when Tom Simcock and Lewis combined through the middle to present Brett Youngman with a simple finish.

 

Barlaston continued their attacking endeavours after the restart and enjoyed a ten minute period of dominance which produced a rare goal from under fire veteran defender Mark Rushton. The centre back has endured a dire season marred by an unprecedented number of sendings off but produced a moment to remember when he picked up the ball deep in his own half and drove purposefully down the pitch. He continued his surge after offloading to the right wing and ghosted into the 'D' to meet the return cross sweetly on the move and ram home from 10 yards.

 

It looked at this point that the visitors would complee the revival but a lapse in concentration let in Kingswinford for another short corner strike to put the score at 5 - 3, which is how it remained largely thanks to Lewis squandering at least 5 clear cut chances and the Kingswinford centre forward inexplicably shooting wide when unopposed in front of an empty goal.

 

Despite Rushton's heroics and Lewis' woeful finishing the game will be remembered for another unpleasant altercation. The mighty Swans seem incapable of getting through a match without recourse to violence, and as it was with the 2nd XI last week so it was with the 1sts this. Young defender Oliver Holland was at the centre of an ugly confrontation when he engaged his winger in some 'afters'. The winger seemed only too ready to go toe to toe with the 15 year old but soon found himself outnumbered when skipper Mark Roe made his heavyweight presence felt. Roe, kitted out in his full keepers protective kit, bravely challenged the winger to throw a punch at him. The winger demured, obviously realising that a fist can't win a contest with a high tensile carbon fibre helmet, and Roe claimed a glorious victory.

 

Young flame-haired hot head Tom Pilling, freshly returned from a tour of duty in Her Majesties Army, saw Roe getting the upper hand and decided to add his wisdom to the debate. Pilling is rumoured to be part of the elite and secretive Feng Shui regiment, and although he is sworn to silence about his day job he was clearly heard threatening to rearrange the wingers living room, thus introducing some bad karma into his spiritual space. Some comentators would say that trained warriors like Pilling should not be using their finely honed military skills on hapless civilians, reserving the dark arts of furniture shuffling for the battlefields and war zones of this troubled globe. However, the general feeling among the chest beating neanderthals of the Barlaston 1st XI was that Sgt. Rock was fully justified in opening his can of interior design whup-ass and he was lauded for his efforts post match. This neutral observer reserves judgement and will allow the reader to make of it what you will.

 

2nd XI

West Midlands Div 2
Home vs Pershore
Won 4 - 2 (Mike Worthington 2, Tom Boit, Max Pierzchalla)

3rd XI
Away vs Runcorn
Won 3 - 1 (Chris Buckley 3)

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1st March 2008

1st XI

West Midlands Div 2

Home vs Kynoch

Lost 5 - 1 (Seb Lewis)

Barlaston suffered a puzzlingly comprehensive defeat at the hands of visitors Kynoch, conceeding 4 short corner goals and an open play strike despite enjoying extended spells of possesion and territorial advantage.

 

Kynoch were 2 up within ten minutes with two almost identical short corner strikes, both finding their way past kepper Mark Roe and in by the unguarded near post. Seb Lewis responded shortly after with a dragflick from Barlaston's first short corner but that was almost immediately cancelled out by a fine counter attacking move from the visitors - the only open play goal of the contest.

 

Just before the haft time break Kynoch added their fourth when Gareth Morris was unable to divert a poorly struck effort from another short corner and Barlaston went miserably to half time trailing 4 - 1.

 

The second period saw a determined effort from Barlaston as they toiled to get back into the contest, but could not force a goal to start the fight back in earnest. Lewis missed two glorious chances, both supplied by Brett Youngman, and Morris failed to atone for his defensive error when he blasted wide with the goal at his mercy.

 

Mark Rushton continued his miserable season with yet another sin bin visit. The defender was caught dawdling on the ball inside his own 25 and had to resort to foul play when the opposing centre forward dispossessed him and threatened Roe's goal. An agricultural scythe left the umpire with no option other than to banish Rushton to the side. Rushton's five sendings off this season could see him reprimanded by club and league.

 

Kynoch made the home side pay further towards the end when yet another short corner was converted. This time Richard Lewis was left red faced as the shot squirmed through his legs at the near post and the score finished an embarrassing 5 - 1 to the opposition.

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The real story of the weekend unfolded at the second XI match up with high flying Bloxwich. The 2s are not normally known for cool heads and even tempers but at least skipper Ian Kavanagh can usually be relied upon to provide a calming influence. Not so this week as the contest exploded into violence and thumb shaking after the final whistle.

 

Barlaston had been fractuous throughout the game and found their loss hard to take. Hot heads such as Mark Bates and Chris Longsdale are known to be sore losers and a few disputed umpiring calls saw an ugly atmosphere develop. At the final whistle Bloxwich's feared hooligan firm started to taunt the vexed Barlaston players, suggesting that they were poor sports and incompetent players. From nowhere Kavanagh launched himself into the home crowd and returned the scathing insults with interest. Kavanagh further demonstrated his powerful anger with some X-rated thumb pointing, telling the home firm to "Nick off home before I inform the league commitee of this shambles".

 

Once Kavanagh had erupted the whole situation deterioated. Mark Milnes entered the fray windmilling wildly, while keeper Chris Amison attempted to diffuse things by slinging his helmet violently into the packed terraces and 'Hulking' out. "Amo smash. Amo kill".

 

Things really turned ugly when Longsdale pulled a blade from his cycling shorts and started making menacing butter-spreading actions with it. It was all too much for Bloxwich's feisty young winger Wee Willy Johnson, who tore off his shirt and squared up Queensberry rules style. Milnes was up to the challenge and went to his kit bag to fetch some baby oil. He was busying oiling up for the bare-back/bare-knuckle challenge when Max Pierzchalla entered proceedings. Pierzchalla used his many years of English teaching to help him  conjure up a vile oath with which to admonish the home umpire. Chaucer would have blushed as the academic turned the air blue and duly saw a red card.

 

Thankfully the local constabulary arrived on the scene to put an end to the violent assembly. Kavanagh was apprehended as he stood in front of the seething terrace kissing both biceps and shouting "Don't make me fire these Guns of Justice", while Longsdale was taken out via taser as he continued his deadly dance of the butter knife. Amison finally calmed down and returned to his normal pasty shade of peuce as his green inner demon departed. Milnes, by now fully oiled up and gleaming in the afternoon sun, had to be restrained in a fishing net as he was just too slippery for the coppers to get a hold of and Kavanagh was frog-marched away while screaming "I'm a cop killer, I'm a murderist".

 

Local police Superintendant Max Savage released the following statement - "I can confirm that a portly middle aged man has been taken into custody and has been forcibly sedated. He will be charged with Intent to Cause Offense with Thumb Pointing. A powerfully built half naked man in his early twenties has also been apprehended and hosed down in the cells due to excessive oiliness. He will be charged with Public Indecency and will be forced to undertake a course of male lap dancing tutorials. We will be looking at taking sanctions against Barlaston Hockey Club 2nd XI in general, possibly insisting they play all future fixtures behind closed doors."

 

All in all a sorry chapter in the history of this much loved club. The disciplinary comittee, consisting of Lennox Death, Chesney Eddsie, Pete Shea and Ikey Barcroft is expected to sit this week and announce far reaching rewards for the guilty parties.

 

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2nd XI

West Midlands Div 2

Away vs Bloxwich

Lost 4 - 2 (Tom Boit, Mark Broady)

3rd XI

Home vs Tamworth

Lost 3 - 1 (Chris Buckley)

Badgers

Away vs Stone

Won 3 - 0 (Matt Davies, John Tymons 2)

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25th February 2008

1st XI

West Midlands Div 2

Away vs Aldridge

Won 3 - 0 (Rob Bagshot 2, Seb Lewis)

 

A functional performance at struggling Aldridge gave draw specialists Barlaston a rare victory in their West Mid Div 2 campaign. A brace of goals from top scorer Rob Bagshot and one from Seb Lewis separated the two sides.

 

Barlaston enjoyed a sizeable majority of possession from the off and camped in the Aldridge half for long periods without tangible reward. Kieron McKinney and Bagshot spurned presentable first half chances with Bagshot hitting the post. Bagshot had more luck after 20 minutes when he was Johnny-on-the-spot to poke in from point blank range following up Brett Youngman's scuffed shot.

 

The only blemish in the first half was veteran defender Mark Rushtons needless sending off. Rushton should have been marshalling his inexperienced backline colleagues but lost all composure following an innocuous challenge from his opponent and was ushered off for a lengthy sin-binning after he directed foul language and a wild haymaker at his bemused antagonist. Luckily for Rushton the haymaker was so far wide of the mark that the umpire mistook it's intention, otherwise he could have been looking at a red card and 16 day ban.

 

Calm was restored and the pattern of possession and territory continued after the break. Rushton eventually returned to the game and another breakthrough came on the 50th minute.This time Lewis found Bagshot with a right wing cross and the young striker finished well with a lifted shot from an acute angle. Bagshot returned the compliment 5 minutes later when his cross-shot found Lewis unmarked at the far post for a simple tap in.

 

Despite playing some decent hockey the visitors were unable to open the floodgates and the match finished 3 - 0.

 

2nd XI

Home vs Tamworth

Drew 2 - 2 (Max Pierzchall , Mark Milnes)

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Results 16th & 17th February 2008

1st XI

 

West Mid Div 2
16th
Away vs Atherstone Adders
Drew 1 - 1 (Seb Lewis)

 

17th
Away vs Chaddersly Corbett
Drew 2 -2 (Rob Bagshot 2)

 

Barlaston had a mixed weekend with draws against the top and bottom sides in West Midlands Div 2. Saturdays game saw them earn a point with their best performance of the season against league leaders Atherstone while Sunday saw a desperately poor effort against Chaddersly that was only rescue by two late strikes from Rob Bagshot.

Against Atherstone Barlaston started strongly and kept possesion well. Seb Lewis saw a shot hit the post while man of the match Kieran McKinney stormed down the left flank and found some dangerous positions without being able to force a goal. Atherstone opened the scoring against the run of play after 20 minutes when skipper Mark Roe fluffed a kicked clearance.

After the break Barlaston continued to play confidently despite being reduced to 10 men with Gareth Morris' now customary visit to the sin bin. The scores were levelled on the hour when Lewis converted a short corner with a flick from the top of the D. Atherstone finished the game strongly and could have taken the points with a last minute penalty flick. However, the post came to Barlaston's rescue and the game ended a draw.

On the Sunday Barlaston travelled to Chaddersly with only ten men but still should not have performed so abjectly. Passes went astray and tackles were missed right from the off and it was no surprise to go into the break 2 - 0 down following a Chaddersly penalty flick and open play strike.

The second period saw a slight improvement but the game looked to be lost when Tom Simcock whined himself into the sin bin reducing numbers to nine.  However, a late rally with good wing play from Brett Youngman and Seb Lewis presented Bagshot with two close range chances which he dispatched to secure a undeserved point.

 

Player Ratings

Mark Roe - 10

After the skippers Mars Attacks moment who in their right mind would mark him down? I didn't actually notice him passing to the Atherstone centre forward for their goal. I just know he scares me.

Rich Lewis - 7

Top quality on Saturday. Not on Sunday.

Mark Rushton - 5

Rank on Saturday. Should have been pulled off early doors. Steady on Sunday which means he might have been MotM.

Nick Gunn - 7

Steady

Chris Longsdale - 3

Let his chums down last weekend preferring the delights of a one-night-stand to the comfort of friends. Let his chums down on Sunday by being asleep when his skipper needed him.

Paul Rushton - 7

Steady.

Ben Forrester - 7

Steady.

Tom Pilling - 7

Steady.

Oliver Holland - 8

Sundays island of quality in a sea of tripe.

Brett Youngman - 6

Top notch on Saturday. Tripe, albeit energetic tripe on Sunday.

Tom Simmycock - 5

Excelled on Saturday. Got himself sent off for choppsing on Sunday - when we had ten men to start with. Say no more.

Big Ron - 6

Stormin' Norman on Saturday. Frank Plank on Sunday.

Boris Morris - 6

Quality whilst on the pitch. Not on the pitch very long.

Rob Bagshot - 8

Bagged a brace to save face on Sunday.

The Number 10 - 7

Goals and assists. Steady.

 

2nd XI

16th
Home vs Ludlow
Won 3 - 0 (Mike Worthington, Max Pierzchalla, Anthony Cairns)

17th Home vs Market Drayton
Won 1 - 0 (Max Pierzchalla)

3rd XI
Away bs Tamworth
Won 2 - 1 (Nathan Pedley, Josh Edge)

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26th January 200

West Midlands Divs 2
Home vs Streetly
Lost 6 - 1 (Gareth Morris)

Barlaston suffered a painful reverse at the hands of their visitors conceeding four second half goals as they toiled away with 10 men for most of the period.

Streetly quickly took the lead with some incisive forward play which Mark Rushton and his beleagured defensive colleagues were unable to deal with. A well crafted move and slightly fortuitous short-corner strike gave the a 2 - 0 lead withing ten minutes. The home side rallied during the remainder of the half and reduced the arrears with a scrappy short corner of their own. Gareth Morris was on hand to convert from close range after the original routine broke down and Brett Youngman improvised well to produce the chance. Barlaston continued to impress for the rest of the period but could not produce another reward.

The second half saw Barlaston's composure and discipline unravell alarmingly as Streetly continued to run the home sides defence. Two more strikes early in the half ended the game as a contest and exposed ex-skipper Morris' fragile mental state. Some cringeworthy playacting was followed by some ugly and threatening stick waving which saw hime banished to the sin-bin for a lengthy spell.

Streely took advantage of the short numbers and further extended their lead without having to break sweat and the scoreline ballooned out of control, ended at an embarassing 6 - 1 thrashing.

 

Player Ratings

 

Mark Roe - 3
Shell-shocked and nutmegged.

Ben Forrester - 6
Not run quite as ragged as some of his defensive colleagues.

Tom Pilling - 3
Run ragged

Mark Rushton - 2
Run ragged big time. Started drinking at 3pm on Friday.

Rich Lewis - 7
Run a bit ragged but made some valuable interceptions and incursions

Brett Youngman - 6
Some tidy surges down the right flank.

Tom Simmycock - 6
Ran a lot and created a number of opportunities. Brought his passport to the pub for some reason. It had a photo of him looking like Burt off Sesame Street.

Gareth Morris - 1
Played well when on the pitch but even Klinnsman would have baulked at his dive and threatening to 'slit' his nemesis' throat was not cool.

Big Ron - 5
Steady

Rob Bagshot - 6
Steady

Paul Rushton - 6
Steady

The Number 10 - 1
Kit will not need washing this week.

 

 

2nd XI
Away vs Streetly
Lost 4 - 1 (Max Pierzchalla)

3rd XI
Home vs Tamworth
Won 3 - 1 (Chris Buckley 3)

Badgers
Away vs Ashby
Won 2 - 1 (Mark Andrews 2)

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12th January 2008

1st XI
West Midlands Division 2
Home vs Stafford
Drew 1 -1

Barlaston stopped a run of poor results with a hard earned point from a close encounter with local rivals Stafford.

Stafford started the game well and soon had the home side under pressure. Skipper Mark Roe in the Barlaston goal made a number of saves in the opening few minutes but was beaten on the quarter hour. Mark Rushton conceeded possession inside his own half and had to watch as his lapse was punished by a couple of quick passes and a smart finish.

Mark Broady tried to redress the balance for the home side with a couple of strong runs down the left flank and should have evened the scores when he cut inside from his wing but took a wild air-shot after fashioning an excellent shooting chance.

Barlaston improved slightly after the break without really creating many openings. Some earnest endeavour from right back Nick Gunn finally evened the scores when he surged through the middle on the hour. Tom Simcock and Brett Youngman linked up with Gunn and the defender bundled in from close range for the equaliser.

Neither goal was seriously threatened for the remainder of the contest and a draw was probably a fair result from a game that neither side really deserved to win.

 

Player Ratings

 

Mark Roe 6
Clearly aggrieved by his charges poor first half performance but failed to communicate his chagrin effectively with a half-time team talk that was woefully lacking in expletives. How can players improve if they're not getting cussed at properly?

 

Nick Gunn 8
A couple of powerful surges in the second period put the fear into his oppostion and a skillfully bundled finish capped a muscular performance.

 

Ben Forrester 7
Steady again.

Mark Rushton 4
Rushton was in bed on Friday before News at Ten came on. He was full of beer. It showed the next day.

 

Dick Lewis 6
Some timely interceptions were mixed in with some ill-timed flails, but it was Rushton who cost the goal.

 

Big Ron 6
Solid shift on the left and right flanks.

 

Mark Broady 7
Turned up 5 minutes late and left 20 minutes early but in between had some quality Beckenbauer moments. Succumbed to a worrying bout of chest pains at half time which may or may not have been brought on by taking turf big time in front of goal.

 

Gareth Morris 9
'Furious' Morris continued his excellent season with some incisive and greedy dribbling. Let himself down by exchanging sociable banter with his opposite number instead of vile abuse. Would not be drawn after the match when quizzed about leaving the mighty Double H cricket club. If the required gossip had been supplied he might have earned an extra mark.

 

Tom Simmycock 8
Energetic - made up for the long periods of recuperation needed by Morris following ten yard runs. Let down by some very poor fashion decision making - didn't Benny hats go out in the 70's?

 

Brett Youngman 7
Had proper kit on for once and did a lot of running.

 

Rob Bagshot 7
Not much goal mouth action but did a lot of the Number 10's running.

 

The Number 10 - 10(ten)
Imperious display from the veteran who was called back into the midfield and gave a masterclass in cool headed distribution and delegation of physical exertion. Also looked very good in the pool after the game. Coming into his prime.

 

2nd XI
West Midlands Div 2
Away vs Stafford
Lost 4 - 2 (Cairns, Pierzchalla)

3rd XI
Home vs North Staffs
Won 6 - 0 (C. Buckley 3, J. Tymons 3)

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1st December 2007

 

01/12/2007

1st XI

West Midalnds Div2
Home vs Kingswinford
Lost 7 - 1 (R. Bagshot)

Barlaston crashed to an embarassing defeat at the hands of their visitors Kingswinford after an unprecedented second half collapse.

Kingswinford took an early lead against the run of play with a short corner strike. Barlaston struck back almost immediately when Rob Bagshot deflected a Tom Simcock cross over the advancing keeper. Chances for Seb Lewis and Kieron McKinney should have seen the home side take the lead but it was Kingswinford who went into the break a goal to the good when a penalty stroke was awarded and converted.

Things unravelled rapidly for Barlaston after the turn around and the visitors punished them with some clinical set piece executions. Three more short corner strikes and another penalty stroke finished the game as a contest and a swift counter attack for the seventh goal completed the rout.

The home side continued pressing for a consolation but squandered more good chances and ended the afternoon severely chastised.

 

Player Ratings

 

Mark Roe - 3

Nutmegged and shell-shocked.

Ben Forrester - 4

Some sympathy for the gansta as he had to cope with the RoadRunner on the oppositions left wing. Still, he could have come up with a better ploy than just swinging his stick at the knees. Beep beep.

Tom Pilling - 4

Another unlucky punter who had to deal with the RoadRunner. Got outmuscled and outstrengthed at one point, which is a worry considering his position in Her Majesty's elite fighting forces. Perhaps he's actually in the Feng Shui Regiment.

Mark Rushton - 1

The way he dealt with an early aerial said it all. Clean bowled and back in the hutch early doors.

Richard Lewis - 7

Steady performance from the left back. MotM award perhaps can be related to his lack of exposure th the RoadRunner.

Brett Youngman - 5

Not bad.

Tom Simmycock - 6

Good in the first half, toss in the second. Pretty much sums up the day.

Gareth Morris - 7

Skyed a sitter - another Hollywood effort when a Normacot no-nonsense strike would have done the job. Whined and bickered to the bitter end.

Big Ron - 5

Some good footwork and some useful forays down the left flank but lacking end product.

The Number 10 - 2

Another day of drought as his water carriers disappoint again. Gut barging was below par also.

Rob Bagshot - 6

Scored a goal. End of.

  

2nd XI
Away vs Pershore
Lost 4 - 0

3rd XI
Home vs Old Wulfs
Lost 5 - 1 (C. Buckley)

 

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3rd November 2007

1st XI
West Midlands Div 2
Away vs Market Drayton
0 - 0

Barlaston earned a hard fought point from a very competitive encounter that occasionally boiled over and saw Brett Youngman and Seb Lewis given their marching orders.

Barlaston started the game well with Ron McKinney hitting the post and Lewis spurning a good chance when one-on-one with the keeper. The contest was quite even with openiongs at a premium, and good work from both keepers ensured the deadlock was not broken in the first period.

The second half was much the same, with skipper Mark Roe distinguishing himself in the Barlaston goal and Gareth Morris and Rob Bagshot going close at the other end.

The match became increasingly ill-disciplined and shortly after a Drayton player was dismissed for dissent Youngman talked himself into the sin bin. Temperatures continued to rise until 5 minutes from time when Lewis blew his top and got involved in some ugly grappling and name calling with the oppositions captain. The game ended without further incident and Barlaston cling onto third place in the league.

Player Ratings

Mark Roe - 10
You just can't complain with a clean-sheet and some boneshuddering collisions.

Nick Gunn - 8
Solid in new defensive role and shouted his name very loudly on a number of occassions.

Ben Forrester - 8
Another composed display from the young gansta. Might have got an extra mark but for his confusion when Dutcher was holding the team sheet aloft. 'What does a white card mean?' is not a smart statement.

Mark Rushton - 9
Did he have a quiet Friday night? Doubtful but an imperious performance at the heart of the defence suggests he may finally becoming able to handle his ale.

Richard Lewis - 9
Much less wandering and fannying about from the left back. Excellent effort.

Big Ron - 8
Hit the post from 2 foot out but generally kept possesion very well.

Gareth Morris - 8
At his whingeing, tripping, cheating, obnoxious best.

Steve Collins - 9
Ran the show from the middle.

Tom Simmycock - 8
Pretty good again despite using the northbound M6 to get to Keele University. Apparently his passenger, Ben Forrester, had suggested they use the sounthbound carriageway which makes him even dumber than......

Brett Youngman - 2 (sent off 53 mins)
Played very well indeed but had two of the most boneheaded moments you could ever wish to see on a hockey pitch. First half conversion of a free-hit into a defensive short-corner by petulantly hitting the ball away was only trumped by his decision to stop playing and argue the toss with a tosser when he could have advanced serenely into the D and had a shot at goal in the second period. The older he gets the smarter he ain't. Any more bad boy nonsense and he'll lose his gay-icon status.

Rob Bagshot - 8
Temper unusually kept in check and worked plenty hard, but spurned a very presentable chance in the second half.

Seb Lewis - 2 (sent off 65 mins)
Gut-barging again. Gave Youngman a piece of his mind upon the young male model's sending off then almost immediately belly-floped himself into the sin-bin. Gave a good rendition of the 'man-who-looks-like-he-wants-to-fight-but-knows-he's-being-securely-held-back-by-teammates' routine and had to apologise to 3 year old Ben Curtis on the sideline.

2nd XI
West Mid Div 2
Home vs Kidderminster
Won 4 - 2 (Anthony Cairns 3, Max Pierzchalla)

 

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27th October 2007

1st XI
West Midlands Div 2, Home vs Chaddesly Corbett

Won 6 - 0 (Bagshot 4, Gunn, Collins)

 

What is happening to the lower reaches of the hockey world? For the second time this season our 1st XI opponents could only turn out with 10 punters, and that's allowing for the fact that Yardley drafted in their 75 year old umpire to make up the 10!

 

While we welcome easy afternoons it doesn't bode well for the future of the smaller clubs. If all the wee clubs go to the wall it'll mean we have to play against bigger boys every week, and that really wouldn't do. We'd either have to fold ourselves or try to get better. I'd rather fold.

 

Anyway - despite Chaddersly turning up short handed we still managed to make hard work of beating them last weekend. We did eventually net 6 times and keep a clean sheet but the visitors probably took more glory as, in one of their own players words, they had 'only 10 with 2 beginners and 2 registered blind'. Here's how we did;

 

Mark Roe - 10

If you only touch it twice and don't get nutmegged at all you've had a good day in nets.

Ben Forrester - 8

Continues a solid season without being plagued by his colleagues distribution and greed problems.

Mark Rushton - 7

Not really tested in his defensive capacity. Nearly completed a full Beckenbauer but became confused when approaching the opposition 25.

Tom Pilling - 7

Tank Girl returned from the killing fields and upped the ginger quotient to unprecendented levels. Forrester, Rushton, Gunn, Morris, Collins and Tank Girl contributed to push the 'strawberry-o-meter' over the 50% level.

Richard Lewis - 7

Some dangerous runs and searching crossfield Hollywood passes mark out the student waster as a talent to be reckoned with. However, inner ear inbalance and a velcro stick/sponge ball syndrone combine to cause the acamdemic to veer infield across the pitch from his left back berth all too often.

Brett Youngman - 6

Tireless running yet again. Dodgy decision making yet again. Odd socks yet again.

Nick Gunn - 8

Scored a goal!!! No really - he did.

Tom Simmycock - 9

Running and passing are rare occurences in the BHC midfield, but Simmycock might be trying to reintroduce them. He'll soon learn.

Steve Collins - 3

You don't whinge at the Number 10 and expect a good rating do you? Don't think I didn't hear the 'should be playing with Tymons' comment either.

Big Ron - 7

Would've had a proper good rating but for being panicstricken in front of goal. And for being mashed for 17 off his first over at indoor cricket last week.

Seb Lewis - 2

Toss.

Rob Bagshot - 10

Also toss but scored 4 (four) goals. Very reluctantly awarded top marks.

Gareth Morris - 4

Turning up at half time means half marks. QED.

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20th October 2007

1st XI
West Midlands Div 2
Away vs Streetly
Lost 5 - 2 (Seb Lewis, Brett Youngman)

Match Report

Barlaston surrendered their unbeaten record after being well beaten by a superior Streetly side, with only man of the match Ben Fossington managing to match the oppositions standards.

 

Streetly took the early initiative with a flowing move after five minutes, and extended the lead to three after quarter of an hour with two slick short corner strikes. At this point it looked as though Barlaston could be facing a severe thrashing, but to their credit they stopped the flow of goals and managed to claw their way back into the contest.

 

Just before the break Seb Lewis converted a short corner, albeit having to improvise after a wayward injection from Mark Rushton. Shortly after the half time break Tom Simcock was mysteriously given his marching orders but Barlaston made light of his absence and converted another short corner through a fierce Brett Youngman strike.

 

For a brief period the visitors looked the more likely to take the spoils, but wasted chances from Nick Gunn and Rob Bagshot signalled the end of the resurgence and Streetly took a firm hold of the game with two more well worked goals. It could have been even worse for Barlaston had the umpire noticed Bagshots' kicked clearance off the line. Mark Rushtons' persistent complaints then confused the offical into disallowing another perfectly legitimate Streetly goal.

 

Improvements must be made if further painful reverses are to be avoided.

 

Player Ratings

Mark Roe - 6

The skipper had little chance with any of the goals and did well to finish the game despite his head exploding inside his helmet after the 50th minute tirade at Big Ron.

 

Ben Elvis - 6

Laboured pursuit of aged winger suggests Elvis is entering the Las Vegas jumpsuited phase of his career.

 

Ben Fossington - 8

Motm performance from the bad ass gansta from the mean streets of Meir Park.

 

Mark Rushton - 6

Is the perennial ever-green defender finally sucumbing to the effects of Friday night booze-a-thons? Surely can't afford too many more fuddled performances like this one.

 

Richard Lewis - 7

Displayed good team spirit by referring to himself as 'Barlaston' when calling for the ball.

 

Big Ron - 6

Vicously chastised by Roe for preferring to grumble upfield when he should have been chasing back. Only gave 105%.

 

Tom Simmycock - 5

Sent off in disgrace. His absence coincided with Barlastons best period in the game.

 

Nick Gunn - 6

Pitifully weak shot at goal in the second period added to his refusal to wear proper kit takes the shine of an otherwise combatative performance.

 

Brett Youngman - 5

Displayed the sort of footwork Tymons would have been proud of. Dodgy goal could not hide the poor quality of his work.

 

Seb Lewis - 6

Quality goal and a win in a battle of wits could not salvage a lacklustre display. Seemed to have packed his 7 iron when a hockey stick would have sufficed.

 

Rob Bagshot - 6

McHangover meal as pre match preparation did not manage to fuel a decent performance. Managing to avoid a head explosion moment was his only notable contribution.

 

 

2nd XI
Home vs Streetly
Won 4 - 1 (Mark Mills 3, Max Pierzchalla)

##########

13/10/2007

1st XI
West Midlands Div 2
Home vs Yardley
Won 8 - 0 (Seb Lewis 3, Rob Bagshot 2, Nick Gunn, Ron
McKinney, Brett Youngman)

Barlaston took advantage of a depleted Yardley with
four goals in each half.

Seb Lewis opened the scoring after ten minutes with a
reverse stick deflection from the edge of the 'D'. Rob
Bagshot then fired home a fierce short-corner strike
and Lewis made it three when he ran from the inside
left channel and shot across the goalkeeper. Bagshot
bagged his brace just before the interval when he
finished from close range following good work down the
left wing from Ron McKinney.

McKinney himself opened the scoring in the second
period when he poached a goalbound effort from Mark
Mills. Mills was none too happy.

Brett Youngman made it six when he tapped in from
point blank range and Lewis completed his hat-trick
with a straightforward short-corner conversion.

Nick Gunn finished the rout with his first ever senior
goal as he followed up another short-corner effort
from Lewis and scooped the loose ball into the roof of
the net.

Badgers
Away vs Lichfield
Won 8 - 0 (Dan Peacock 6, S. Stainrod 2)

############

6th October

1st XI
West Midlands Div 2
Away vs Stafford
0 - 0

A tight game with little in the way of goal-mouth
action at either end ended in a stalemate and shared
points.

Stafford started strongly and put early pressure on
the Barlaston defence, but could not forge any scoring
chances. The away team toiled hard but could not
create any opportunities themselves, and the half
ended with both goalkeepers untroubled.

It was much the same story in the second period, with
Stafford continuing to move the ball more effectively
but Barlaston working slightly harder. Gareth Morris
gave Stafford a numerical advantage midway through the
half when he managed to get himself sent to the sin
bin for some typically petulant behaviour, but the
pressure was absorbed.

Stafford had a couple of decent chances at the end but
Mark Roe kept his concentration and ensured the game
ended in the proverbial bore draw.

########

29th September 2007

1st XI
Coaching Solutions West Midlands Div 2
Home vs Oswestry
Won 2 - 1 (S. Lewis 2)

Barlaston got their new campaign underway with a win
but with a far from convincing performance.

The home side were able to use their youth to dominate
the early part of the game with some strong running
from the inexperienced midfield causing problems for
the Oswestry defence. However, errant passing
cancelled out much of the endeavour and it took twenty
five minutes to break the deadlock. Seb Lewis seized
onto a loose clearance, drove into the D and fired a
shot through the keepers pads to give Barlaston the
lead.

Some woeful finishing from Rob Bagshot and Brett
Youngman prevented any addition to the scoreline
before half time.

After the restart Bagshot was again guilty of wasting
chances and the visitors started to enjoy periods of
control. New skipper Mark Roe was kept busy in the
Barlaston goal and made a number of fine saves in the
first ten minutes of the second period.

Lewis gave Barlaston a little bit of breathing space
with his second goal on the fifty minute mark. Gareth
Morris made a fine break down the left flank and Lewis
was on hand to tap in his reverse stick cross from
point blank range.

The visitors closed the gap with a fine short corner
strike on the hour, setting up a nervous last ten. The
home side managed to hold out for the win despite
having to defend several short corners right at the
death.

2nd XI
Coaching Solutions West Midlands Div 2
Away vs Evesham
Lost 6 - 1 (Pierzchalla)

Badgers
Home vs Cannock
Lost 2 - 0